Spool's Out

This is a little gem from Best of Craigslist, which I highly recommend browsing as a great way to not be doing other things. My favorite sentence is in bold.

FREE INDUSTRIAL SIZED WOODEN SPOOL
Date: 2008-05-05, 10:01AM EDT

I have a large spool i would like removed from my property.

I no longer have any need for said spool due to coming home from work several hours early and finding my wife on top of said spool with another man.

If you have any need for this spool email me and I will send you the address for the spool. You may come pick up the spool at any time. No questions asked. No need to call ahead. No need to dress up or clean your truck up because it will only be you and the spools out there.

You pull up, load the spool, and leave. The spool in question is marked with a red X. You may only take this spool. I want to keep the rest of them.

The original post is here. And here's the rest of Best of Craigslist. In one of them, which I didn't want to cite because I am a lady, a dude writes an open letter to his mom expressing his upset at the fact that she responded to his "College Stud Needs a MILF - m4w" ads. This confirms what I already believed to be true: there is no elegant way to adapt Oedipus Rex for the Internet age. Cross that one off the list!

When you say "spool" a bunch of times in a row, your mouth starts to think it's not a real word anymore.

Games People Play

Dear Rockstar Games,

We have invented a video game for your video game company. We think your core consumer group will like playing it.

It is called Grand Theft: Ottoman. It is a first-person thief game. In it, the player steals ottomans of increasing size from wealthier and wealthier homes. In this way, he builds an empire.

This game combines all the danger of stealing with all the social commentary of Edward Said's Orientalism. And all the fun of a good footstool! Frankly, sirs, you would have to be basically retarded to pass this up.



We look forward to discussing the possibilities with you.

Signed respectfully and sincerely yours,
Hillary and Alexandria