I Also Have a Mom

Inspired by Hillary (whose mom is great), I have combed over old e-mails from my mom (also really great) in order to share the awesomest ones with you, The Blogosphere.

Example 1: "Foodstuffs."

Subj: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hey Al,

Here is a spotted dick IN A CAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Love you,

MOM


















Example 2: "Surgery."

Subj: (no subject)

Hi Famblie,

Just a quick note for you to mark your calendars......Pre-Admission testing is 3/9/09 and Surgery is 3/16/09. woo-hoo for me. Anyway, I will be out of work 4-6 weeks if anyone wants to come visit! That's all from the Symonds Sanatorium of Health and Rest here in lovely Schwenksville, PA.

Love,

Mom xoxo


Example 3: "The Holiday Spirit."

Subj: last call

Hey you bunch of poopy heads,

this is the last call for christmas gift ideas!!!!!! (this includes you too al) chistmas shopping will be complete by 12/20!!!!!! any item of clothing you want that you want to try on will be purchased 12/23....so prepare to get your lazy butts out of bed in the am!!!!!!!! santa's feet hurt and she is running out of patience!!!!!!

--
Love you,
mom xoxo

Text Messages I Have Received From My Mom, Who Is In India

February 25, 7:42 PM:

"Leaving Delhi for Agra to see Taj Mahal. Delhi train experience amazing; like Slumdog! ... Text back so I know you're ok!!!"

February 28, 8:24 PM:

"HavingagoodtimeVishnuverehere!

Leaving uaipur for Ranthambore Tiger Preserve in farthest Rajastan. Love you!!"

March 1, 11:16 AM:

"Emerged from the bush after 3 hour safari in search of big game. Unfortunately no sighting of the rare and majestic Bengali tiger, but did meet a nice older couple from Reading, PA. Love!!"

March 6, 12:28 PM:

"Tomorrow night we will Hari home; can't Veda see you!!! Love, Sahiba Mom"

Me (in response to that last message): "Mom, you are funny but borderline racist."

Mom (in response to me): "Haveli-ttle sense of humor!!"

Games People Play

Dear Rockstar Games,

We have invented a video game for your video game company. We think your core consumer group will like playing it.

It is called Grand Theft: Ottoman. It is a first-person thief game. In it, the player steals ottomans of increasing size from wealthier and wealthier homes. In this way, he builds an empire.

This game combines all the danger of stealing with all the social commentary of Edward Said's Orientalism. And all the fun of a good footstool! Frankly, sirs, you would have to be basically retarded to pass this up.



We look forward to discussing the possibilities with you.

Signed respectfully and sincerely yours,
Hillary and Alexandria

Bearly Breathing

These are the names that some people we know would have if they were bears.

Alex Beaaronson

Dan D’Abbeario

Tom Beare

Jennie Rose Halbearin

Sasha Beart

Amanda Sebbear

Elizabear Simins

Liz Varnbear

Brendon Bearzard

Rebearcca Evans

Oriana Magbeara

Yelena Bearster

Alex Weinbearg

Gizem Orbear

Kate Redbear

Amanda Bearickson

Justin Bear (Justin Grace)

Noam Prywes.

- Hillary Bearsis and Alex Symbear

Professional Connections

There is someone on this list with a very special name.

It is Ms. Panda Barber.



That is my dream job.

A sad admission

Apparently we are not the only ones to have considered the winsome possibility of dinosaur/giraffe friendship and... just maybe... love. Has this so-called "duD Lawson" been reading our minds?

We regret that this t-shirt came out before Untitled Holland/Moon Dinosaur Project has entered development; though not before its premise was conceived. However, if done correctly, the shirt's existence could make the start of a great guerrilla marketing campaign! Of course, Holland/Moon Dinosaur Project is on the back burner for awhile until Rusty Stapler gets through the production cycle, which is a shame.

Meanwhile, I am going to buy one of the shirts, because they are adorable.